Snogo in the Wild
Hey Fam,
In a world that loves to put us on stage from time to time, it’s easy for those of us who don’t seek out the spotlight to get a little frazzled when the spotlight does shine down on us. We can prepare, we can plan, but hey, things happen.
When my best friend from college, John, and his fiancée, Jane, asked me to officiate their wedding, I was honored. And flattered. And I couldn’t have been more excited for them, because since day one they have been a math nerd match made in Heaven. He’s a Yield Manager for hotels, the guy that figures out all those fluctuations on room rates based on a million different things. She’s a Quantitative Trader. She trades electricity. I barely understand stock trading or electricity, but one time I was in her office and saw her monitors and the number of numbers almost killed me. You know The Matrix? She does that.
I assumed Jane would take on a bit of the bridezilla thing – because she can be precise about things, and because my bride did a bit of zilla-ing. I was ready. BUT: WILD CARD! It was John. John did all the zilla-ing.
Nothing could break my excitement to officiate for John and Jane, but they loaded me up with a lot to do, say, be in charge of. (When I say they, I mean John. Jane was grace. John was fire. A roller-coaster fire.) Anyways, I timed out how much I had to say at the ceremony. 8 minutes, of memorized words. Of sounds from my mouth. To an audience of 150.
On the big day, my plan was to take some beta-blockers, just in case I got nervous and forgot my own name. But of course, shortly before showtime, there I was in the vestry looking through my bag and realizing my little helpers were at home on my kitchen counter, right where I put them so I could not forget them.
If any of you happen to not be an Ordained Internet Minister like me, I’d learned that the vestry is the room adjacent to the chancel, within which is the sanctuary, upon which is the altar… but in that moment of beta-blocker-less-ness, all I knew was that I was surrounded by walls of the closing-in kind.
FYI, I’m trying to be funny. Whether you’re laughing or not, I hope you at least like that I’m trying to produce the goods. That’s the kind of Internet Minister I am. What I’m saying is I hadn’t actually lost bodily function, and I did have my wits about me enough to recall that groomsman Joe is known by his close friends to be in possession of a SNOGO.
So, exercising my officiant power, I departed the vestry and with dignity and majesty power-walked the center aisle of the nave where all 150 guests were congregated. They scanned my body language and face for any sign of fear but I denied them this by upgrading from power-walk to agile trot and was soon in the narthex where I was able to locate groomsman Joe.
Nevermind what was said, by either me or by Joe, especially by Joe– because the handover that followed was what inspired me to buy a second SNOGO (I went OG again. I’m a sucker for the classics). Despite Joe wearing his SNOGO on a necklace inside of his wedding clothes, despite us being in the close curious company of 4 other groomsmen and 2 other bridesmaids, despite everything being stacked against this being a quiet, deft, discreet hand off, that’s exactly what it was.
I returned to my vestry the same way I came, but already calmer, already in the calmer mental state of a ritual I knew well. Well, at least better than the wedding ritual that was soon to follow.
Quick: Who crushed it as the wedding officiant at John and Jane’s wedding? Wrong! It was Internet Minister in the vestry with the SNOGO! (Don’t worry, it was a Unitarian Church.)
Jim
Austin, TX
Jim, I have had those moments too and my SNOGO has gotten me through. There’s a reason we gravitate toward ritual—it’s a signal to our brains that it’s time to focus. It’s a key that unlocks the door to a calmer, more present state. Being present is a present.
The real magic isn’t in anything you can forget on your kitchen counter or discreetly receive from Groomsmen Joe, but in the quiet, intentional moment.
Big Love,
AY