Snogo in the Wild SITW June 23
This month’s SITW might be the craziest one yet! It’s about golf, and that alone is is kind of crazy because I’ve never played golf. But if I ever do, I want to play with Brian from Wilmington, NC. Here’s his story. It doesn’t disappoint.
I read last month’s story about the broken ski lift, you guys called it “Snogo in the Wild World of Sports”. This is another one of those. An epic one!
The hardest laugh I’ve had in the last five years was when one of my best friends picked me up at JFK and….he was wearing a gold chain! I noticed it as he was putting my golf clubs into his trunk. Now you’ve got to understand, Biggs thinks pink polo shirts are “too flashy”, so I had to call him out on the gold chain. “Damn Biggs! The big city has brought you some bling?” His response was just “Get in the car and don’t make a scene.” Normally, out of spite, I would have done exactly that, however, on this occasion I refrained. We were about to embark on the most epic grudge-match golf trip of all time. I needed to save my shit talk for the showdown.
We touched down at London Heathrow at 8am the next morning, cleared customs and quickly found our driver – he was the guy whose sign had an explicit phrase instead of names, no doubt about it. Biggs and I pretended not to notice. Golf is 90% mental. The other 10%? Mental. So the game begins before you reach the course. It was on!
In the back of the car, with Heathrow behind us, Biggs lifted his gold chain out of his shirt, dipped it into a vial, took a quick sniff and handed it to me. “We tee it up in two hours and 20 minutes” he said “hit the cacao and get your game face on.” Now let’s be clear, I get out a lot (a lot more than I should!) and I hang out with all walks of life and I’d never seen anything like that.
I will spare you the intricate details of the entire trip. So just the important facts: 4 of us, former pro golfers who met while playing the mini tour in the mid-90’s. The mini tour is golf’s version of the MLB’s minor leagues but there aren’t salaries on the mini tour, so the only way to make money (other than the occasional tournament win) is through side-bets and hustles. So that’s how we did it. We made our money golfing and gambling, then we spent it drinking and partying. And when you’re good – which we were – you can do all those things at once. Which we did. 30-years later? Same f-ing thing.
We played The Royal Saint George, then we played Turnberry, Carnoustie and, on the fourth and final day: the old course at Saint Andrews. As is our tradition, we played 2 on 2. And although Biggs and I talked about keeping the Snogo as our secret weapon, we like a fair fight. So all 4 of us partook throughout. All of us are in our early 50s and truthfully, we felt better than we should have after 27 to 36 holes a day. I birdied the last three holes and shot 67 at The Old Cars. And after 4-days and 126 holes…..we beat them by one shot!
We invited all of our caddies out for dinner and drinks that night. At around 3 AM in the town of Saint Andrews, my caddy pulled out a Snogo, handed it to me and said “good fucking playing.” It was just like Biggs’s Snogo but my name was engraved on it! I was so stunned, every hair on the back of my neck stood up. I looked at Biggs and he was laughing so hard his Guinness was coming out of his nose. When he regained some composure he said “I know how to motivate you”. Yes he does! And Snogo, so do you! We had 20 to 50 miles an hour winds and we didn’t lose one granule of product! You guys are brilliant!!! Hopefully, if I win the Senior US Open, you will sponsor me in the British. I will wear a Snogo with pride! Keep on keeping on and thanks for getting me through.
Thank you Brian, that was awesome! If Snogo ever sponsors a golfer, I promise, it’ll be you!
As for the rest of you SITWers, allow me to quote the caddy: Good f-ing playing!